I don't know a lot of people with whom I can share my thoughts, candidly at least. No one comes here anymore, so here we go:
When bad things happen, it's easy to say, "this thing that happened, it sucks," but in truth one finds that after awhile, even with bumps in the road, with all of the impasses, after a long time, one feels okay with existing.
I try to draw conclusions from events and learn and grow, sometimes that feels good, sometimes I get down for awhile.
Today I know I experienced what would probably be something that would put me in a place where I'd gravitate towards negative thoughts and feel out of sorts for a bit.
But I didn't feel anything, but not in a detached way, more of a way that makes me feel like I've moved to a new place where I'm content and not bound to uneasiness and frustration.
In the new year I have realized that although 2011 was good, it was a year spent spinning wheels, and towards the end, the wheels caught and moved the car forward a little bit.
Here's what I can remember happened:
January 2011: Huge Optimism Post Graduation, had surgery on my wrist. February 2011: Worked, good parties. March 2011: Music, Birthday. April: Living situation changed. May: Kindness saved me. June: Got real sweaty. Looked for work. Bike was stolen. Got real agitated. July: Shot fireworks. I think people I know got married in the month. August: Moved to St. Louis. September: Worked at Apple, met cool people, saw shows. October: Went to Branson, saw shows. Really enjoyed myself. November: Holidays. Foods. Good times. December: Worked a lot. Enjoyed Christmastimes, but glad for the end of the holiday season.
So now I'm in a place with the same sort of optimism I had in the end of 2010. That's cool. At least I know I'll be here hopefully moving forward in a place with people and things, doing things that make me happy, make me smile, and afford me some sort of growth and goodness.
In other news, there's not much. Christmas was great, I bought tickets to a lot of great concerts, I've been dabbling in electronic circuits and programming, I do the stair workout machine, get beers and whatnot. I've thought it might be good to write and do more music.
So far my new job has been pretty good. I like working on stuff, and I feel like I want to get really good at what I do, which in my opinion is good.
Life Catalog:
1. I saw Bon Iver a few days ago. It was awesome. I dont think I've ever seen another more completely and subtly nuanced show in my life. It was pretty awesome.
2. I'm gonna see Deathcab in a few weeks.
3. Otherwise still kicking. Still doing things. All good. All good.
Today at my new job I ate my mom's spaghetti out of a Stonyfield Organic Yogurt container. People walked by and often asked me, "is that organic spaghetti?". I told them it was, but french vanilla flavored.
I know it's only three days out, but my new job is pretty cool. People have been nice. I don't feel so lonely or looking for things to do because I'm around people all the time. I might have to work on developing some tighter friendships, instead of keeping things surface level.
But, I go to work feeling good and come home feeling tired. I cant ask for too much else.
